Hari Sabtu yang serba tak kena.

Apabila aku tahu kena pergi Kelantan untuk hadir ke Mahkamah pada hari AHAD... aku dah rasa malas sebab SABTU (hari berangkat) dan AHAD akan terkorban. Ibarat aku kerja dua minggu takde break. Benci tau.

Hari Sabtu (semalam) sebelum berangkat ke Kelantan, sepatutnya ada perjumpaan pasal Unifi, tapi sebab jalan jem, ada pihak yang lambat datang dan aku pulak terpaksa pulang awal, maka appointment terbantut. Terpaksa pulang dengan tangan kosong. Nasib baik Roti Paratha Chicken and Cheese tu sedap.

Pada jam 8 malam, aku berangkat ke KLIA. Sampai sana, aku tengok flight domestik berderet delay. Aku dah rasa tak sedap hati. Ke Kuching delay, Kuantan delay, Kota Kinabalu delay... pergh. Tapi aku tengok ke Kota Bharu tak delay pulak.

Kemudian tunggu punya tunggu, sepatutnya aku masuk balai berlepas jam 9.55 malam, tapi dah jam 10.00 malam, tak masuk lagi. Pintu bertutup. Tunggu lagi sampai jam 10.30... masih tak buka pintu. Ahh ini mesti delay! Aku tengok departure time flight aku jam 10.35 malam.

Dalam Airport tu, ramai orang bersungut sebab tak diberitahu flight delay. Ada orang cakap, "Pilot tengok bola dehh..."

Aku juga sempat bersembang dengan mamat warga China ni. Macam mana aku boleh bersembang dengan dia... macam ni ceritanya. Dari jauh dia berlari-lari ke arah pintu balai berlepas ke Kota Bharu. Bila sampai dia tengok pintu tutup rapat, dia lepaskan nafas kuat yang mengah "aaahhh..." Dia nampak risau dan gelabah. Masa tu jam dah 10.10 malam. Aku duduk betul-betul bertentangan dengan Pintu Balai Berlepas, dia datang dekat aku. Dengan mengah-mengah dia tanya, "Is... this... you... going to Kota Baharruuu??" sambil tunjukkan tiket dia. Aku cakap, "Yes. We have to wait here. Flight is delay." Pastu dia duduk sebelah aku... and the rest is history. Hikhikhik.

Mula-mula aku ingatkan dia dari Thailand, tapi lepas sembang-sembang pasal IC, dia tanya gambar pada IC Malaysia boleh pakai pakaian suka-suka ke (sebab gambar aku bertudung dan berspec)... dia cakap kat China tak boleh. Kena buka spec, kena shave, kena potong rambut, kena kasi nampak telinga. WAJIB. Dia cakap kat aku, "your ID photo looks different than you".

Masa bersembang-sembang tu aku sebenarnya tak faham sangat English dia cakap, terlalu pekat slang cina. Dia ada tanya "Are you a student?". Aku cakap, "No... I'm working now". Pastu dia cakap, "sorry. you look young. hehe. thought you are a student." Bayangkan dia cakap sebijik-sebijik sebab lidah dia telo bahasa Mandarin (kot?) dan agak susah aku nak fahamkan butir-butir percakapan dia. Nevertheless, he's cute okay. haha.

Anyway... moving on kepada cerita Sabtu aku, setelah tunggu sampai 10.40 malam, staff MAS cakap flight delay sampai jam 11.20 malam. Perghhh aku dah letih dah. Letih menunggu. Rasa dah jadi sayur kecut kat situ. Sejuk sangat!

Dan tepat jam 11.20 malam, kami berangkat ke Kota Bharu. Sampai dalam 12.15 tengah malam, aku ke Hotel. Sampai kat reception, ehhh mamat cute China tu laaa... sama hotel pulak! Dia cakap "HAAIIIIII..." Aku pun "Ehh haaiiiiiiiiii!!" (aiyoo adakah berjodoh? motif ini sama hotel bagai...)

Sampai je dalam bilik, aku on TV. Kecoh pasal Kelantan menang bola. Kemudian, ayat keramat keluar dari mulut pengacara TV, "ITULAH HADIAH DARI KERAJAAN KELANTAN... KELANTAN CUTI ESOK"...

Ya Allah.... apakah aku buat di Kelantan ni??? Esok cuti laa.... aduhlaa...

Someone.

My last Saturday's mood was ruined by Someone.

After all this while, after all the crap that Someone had put me through, Someone finally got a scolding from me. I scolded Someone for being such an inconsiderate Some-'bitch'-one, for having the guts to step on my head and act innocent as if nothing ever happen, and also for being such a Some-'ass'-one to me. I had enough.

For one year I suffered because of you. Everytime when you were in trouble, I helped you. I covered up craps that you did because I felt sorry for you. I thought that's what friends are for. But you used my kindness for your own benefit and you went over the boundary.

So,

No more being nice for Someone.

No more favours for Someone.

No more cover ups for Someone.

My pity for you has gone down the drain and so as our friendship. You are just another worthless crap in my life. Please bugger off, you stupid Someone.

Malulah.

Perkara yang memalukan minggu lepas;

Pergi outstation. Naik keretapi, kapal terbang, dan lepas tu naik kereta Jabatan. Kemudian bermesyuarat dari pagi sampai petang. Bila sampai hotel petang tu, baru aku sedar yang seluar aku koyak di cawat! pfftt....

Tambah pula kan... seluar dalam aku warna merah. T_T

Aku rasa tak ada orang perasan sebab aku tak jalan terkangkang. (marilah mendoakan yang baik-baik ye.)

Jadi aku telah pergi beli seluar baru. FYI, seluar yang koyak ni seluar aku pergi mahkamah. Dah lama tak pakai, jadi aku pakai untuk pergi meeting. Lepas ni memang tak pakai untuk selama-lamanya dah!

depressed.

You know some other odd days you wake up at the wrong side of the bed and you feel depressed all of a sudden and feels like you want to give up everything.

Well, for me, that day is today.

I feel miserable and tired and restless and angry and a whole loads of other weird sad emotions. While I'm driving to work this morning, I feel like I want to crawl back in my bed and having not to face anything or anyone today.

Is it PMS already? I don't think so.

I feel angry at myself for not having the guts to stand up for my own self. I am angry because I let people used me for their own benefit. I am sad because the person who took advantage out of me is someone close to me. And I feel restless trying to control the emotions that I had in me... and I'm not going to burst it in front of that person because otherwise I'll be like a freak.

All this jumbled up feelings that I had, I just had to pen it down in my blog. Because apparently, I believed that no one is interested enough to listen to the mumble of a crazy lady yang sendiri cari pasal. Why would anyone give a shit about my life that has no significant value to theirs. Why would anyone care about what I feel because everything that I feel is in me, in my head and in my heart. Why would anyone be worrying about my problems when their own problems are much of a hassle than mine to begin with. My problems are in my shoes, not theirs... so I said to myself, deal with it, or else it'll be in my shoes for the rest of my life.

That is why I always blame myself for everything that is happening to me. Because I am weak. And that is why others can easily take advantage out of me. Stupid me. Idiot me.

Because of the weakness I had, I burst out the contained emotions alone. Right now, I feel pathetic for being the crazy lady who ate her plain bread with a plain hotdog in the car with tears rolling down her face this morning.

Today, I woke up at the wrong side of the bed and I feel depressed all of a sudden.

Care.

Haritu aku beli tiket ERL dari Putrajaya ke KLIA untuk outstation. Aku cakap kat orang jaga kaunter tu 'ke KLIA ye'. Harga tiket RM6.20 dari Putrajaya ke KLIA. Aku beri RM10.20. Baki aku dia beri RM4.00. Aku tak check langsung tiket dan resit sebab dah lambat.

Bila dah sampai KLIA, tiket aku direject beberapa kali oleh mesin tiket. Aku hairan. Bila aku check tiket, rupa-rupanya ke KL Sentral... harga pada tiket RM9.50. Arghhh menyusahkan aku betul la... dah la aku dah lambat. Tengah-tengah aku berkerut-kerut dahi sambil jalan ke kaunter tiket ERL di KLIA, ada seorang passenger ERL tanya aku 'Nape dik?'

Aku cakap, 'Tiket saya kena reject.'

Dia tengok tiket aku 'laa.. ni ke KL Sentral dik... adik bayar berapa?'

'Saya bayar RM10.20. Dia bagi balance RM4.00. Saya tak check la pulak tiket ni sebab balance dah betul. Saya kata nak ke KLIA.'

Dia cakap, 'takpe... mari sini.'

Dia swipe passcard dia kat lorong staff dan kasi aku lalu.

Aku cakap 'Terima kasih banyak-banyak.'

Lega aku... nasib dia ada... tak payah aku nak deal dengan orang kaunter tiket.

Rasa best sebab ada orang peduli dan baik dengan kita.