The world revolves around women?

On one morning, (during the month of February) while driving to the Court, I was listening to this one radio station (whom shall not be named) discussing about a topic called 'double standard in a relationship' and at the end of the morning talk/show (whatever you call it) I heard the one of the DJs on the radio said that 'the world revolves around women'. He concluded that because he said that in a relationship, women always have their says, women always in need to be pampered and be given full attention. Women this, women that... If a man don't give you something, you'll turn sulky and bitch about it.

Okay, first of all, if you want to discuss or debate something that relates to gender, please have both genders on air (both DJs are men. You can imagine how bias it is).

Secondly, the world revolves around women? where the heck did you get that idea? I always thought that the world revolves around men. (don't roll your eyes yet) I don't say that because I'm a woman. Really, hear me out first.

As you can see, before the world starts to evolve until it is as today, everything is being cater to men. Back then, women have no say compared to men, women have no rights compared to men, every biological process that women have to go through in their lives, has the word 'men' in it. Ie; MENstrual cramps, MENopause, and MENtal breakdown... and also not forgetting GUYnecologist? (okay this is a joke anyway)

Back then also, women are like slaves to men. We can't work, go to school to get education and we can't simply go out like men did. We were born to please men; pampered ourselves so that men would choose us to get married to and then reproduced as much as we can. In China for example, they had to bind their feet so that man would pick them as their wife based on their small 'pretty' feet. If we can't give a child to a man, we might as well be banished from the society. Basically, we are useless unless we can give some satisfaction to men.

Sounds unfair right?

But back then, society perceived women as that and there is nothing wrong with it. Women were being portrayed as the weaker sex compared to men. I have to admit, yes it is true that women are weak. We don't have strength like men do. For example, we can't carry men with our bare hands because men are heavier, we can't beat men because one punch from a man can make a woman's (or any other men) teeth shattered and there's no such term as a man being raped by a women. Even the Domestic Violent Act mainly was being created to protect women and the Penal Code too, clearly states that the act of rape is done by a man.

We have to admit that women will always be a vulnerable target to men because simply we are weak.

Society has developed over the years and currently women are being well respected by our society, but that doesn't mean that the world revolves around women. Women are, still, prone to the danger of being raped, molested, beaten, discriminated, and currently the nation is being alarmed with the serial acid splasher who attack women at the streets of Kuala Lumpur. All these violent acts are being done by men to women.

Even in our Malaysian society, if something happen to a woman's life (being divorced, unmarried, second or third wife, husband died and etc), women had to bear titles to their name throughout their entire life; for example: Miss Janda (better known as Miss J), Anak Dara Tua/Anak Dara Lanjut Usia, Ibu Tunggal (single mother), home-wrecker and etc. And because of these titles, society always perceived that women should be at the wronged party. There must be something that these women did/did not do that is being resulted to these so-called titles.

So as you can see my point here, we women always had to stand on our own two feet to defend ourselves.

But it does not mean we would love men any lesser. Of course we still need men in our lives. There's no point of living in this world with only big boobs around and no knight in the shining amour to excite the damsels in distress. I mean, God (Allah SWT) create human beings with different genders for a purpose and we should embrace the purpose and plans that God had planned out for us.

All the points I've stated above boils down to one thing, there's no such thing as double standard in a relationship where the world revolves around women. How can you say it's double standard when we are different to begin with anyway? Women can tolerate all the violence that men can do to us but why can't men tolerate with our emphatic needs? It won't kill you, you know.

Cabut gigi geraham

Tempoh hari, aku decide nak cabut gigi geraham bongsu (sebelah kanan dibawah) sebab tak tahan asyik sakit bila makan. Gigi aku tu tumbuh senget dan terhimpit gigi sebelah. Area gigi yang terhimpit dah pecah dan berlubang, which menyebabkan setiap kali aku makan dan kalau ada makanan stuck kat dalam lubang tu, akan jadi sakit.

(image from here)

Awal pagi, aku pergi klinik untuk buat check-up. Dia cakap memang kena buat surgery untuk remove wisdom tooth tu sebab keadaan gigi yang tenggelam separuh dan susah nak tarik macam cabut gigi biasa. Dan ada 4 gigi kena tampal kat situ dan salah satu adalah gigi sebelah yang kena himpit tu, dimana cavity dah terbentuk dan kemudian berlubang. (patutlah gigi aku sensitif memanjang).

Kosnya, RM600. Tersedak aku. Mahal nak mampus. Jadi aku mintak doktor tu buatkan referral letter untuk aku pergi ke Hospital Kerajaan. Doctor tu reluctant dan kasi aku macam-macam alasan. Aku fed-up, aku cakap, tak apalah... saya pergi je klinik kerajaan untuk check-up dulu. Sampai je klinik kerajaan, dalam 10.30 pagi, kaunter pendaftaran dah tutup. Pffttt... cibais betul. Punyalah ramai gila orang.

Aku calling sini sana, Wan (boyfriend sayalah itu) recommend pergi klinik Petaling kat PJ State (area Pasar Basah PJ, dekat stesen bas). Adik dan Ibu suggest pergi klinik USJ dekat USJ 8 sebab situ murah. Jadi setelah berbincang, pergi klinik USJ dulu. Dah settle semua check-up, dia cakap kos RM450 sekali tampal satu gigi je. Murah lah sebab sekali tampal sebatang gigi dah RM80. Tapi, dia cakap dia tak boleh buat haritu. Kena buat appointment. Jadi aku cakap, nanti aku balik fikir dulu.

Lepas Zohor, decide pergi Klinik Petaling tu jugak. Kot-kot boleh dapat murah dan boleh buat time itu jugak. Pergi sana dan buat check-up lagi sekali, dia cakap boleh buat hari ni jugak. Kos RM450. Tapi tak ada tampal. Bincang dengan Ibu, dia cakap ok.

Mula-mula doktor sembur ubat kasi kebas. Kemudian baru dia suntik bius. Rasa dah kebas separuh mulut. Masa suntik bius tu, sakit sikit sebab jarum cucuk gusi kan. Bila dah betul-betul kebas, doktor mulalah surgery.

Aku tak nampak lah dia buat apa dan tak rasa apa-apa. Tapi yang aku tahu, dia amik something dan aku boleh rasa dia sodok gusi aku yang tepi gigi (kiri dan kanan) untuk buat bukaan supaya dia nak cabut. (mayba waktu ni dia potong kot?) Lepas tu amik ape benda ntah, pastu dia cucuk benda tu dalam gigi aku dan tarik sekuat hati (maybe nak tarik bahagian yang tenggelam tu kot). Masa ni tak rasa sakit, tapi rasa pressure gila babi. Aku dah cuak sebab takut dia tersilap, terus terodok tekak aku.

Dah habis tu, aku rasa macam banyak cecair. Dia cakap kat nurse, amik suction. Banyak darah keluar. Siap meleleh tepi pipi. Tapi tak rasa apa-apa. Lepas tu, amik machine dia, macam drill ke ape... pastu buat something kat gigi. Seriau gila bunyi. Lepas tu, dia amik benda bentuk macam penyepit dan kepitkan gigi. Boleh rasa tapi tak sakit. Rasa pressure je.

(image from here)

Mula-mula dia duduk tepi aku, lepas tu dia berdiri dan tarik sekuat hati sambil goyangkan benda kepit tu (goyangkan gigi). Masa ni lagi lah terasa pressure. Tapi tak sakit langsung. Lepas tu barulah tercabut gigi tu.

Dan lepas tu kena jahit. Dua kali doktor jahit, First jahitan sebelah depan sikit. Then jahitan kedua, sebelah belakang sikit gusi. Sebab tumbuh senget kan, jadi bukaan gusi tu besar.

Dah selesai semua, rasa sedikit weng. Haha. nasib baik ibu ikut, boleh mintak tolong dia drive. Masa ni happy lagi. Rasa macam heroin gagah perkasa. Tak sakit langsung. Bius ada lagi. Setiap setengah jam kena tukar gauze dalam mulut. Banyak darah.

Dah lepas 4 jam macam tu, bius start hilang. Mulalah episod kesakitan. Terus tak pakai dah gauze tu sebab sakit nak mampus. Bayangkan, kena ulser je dah rasa perit, inikan gusi kena jahit. Kepala dah weng tahan sakit. Terus telan painkiller dan tidur. Makan haram jadah lah kan. Perut lapar, tapi sakit tak tertahan.

Malam tu, dalam kul 2 pagi, terjaga sebab sakit. Sakit sampai rasa ke bahu dan sebahagian muka. Terus amik painkiller dan telan lagi. Sakitnya lah. Esok bangun pagi, terus gosok gigi. Tak suka rasa tak gosok gigi. Rasa kelat dan pahit. Kemudian makan roti sikit. Dekat sejam makan, tak habis-habis. Terus give up dan makan ubat. Tiba-tiba rasa something dalam mulut. Jahitan dan terbukak dan benang tercabut. Sekejap lagi, sakit lagi. Uwaaaa... telan lagi painkiller.

Malam tadi, terjaga, sakit lagi. Rasa bengkak, tak boleh gerakkan lidah. Terus amik air garam dan kumur. Lepas tu telan lagi painkiller. Takut gak infection. Dan harini, dah ok sikit. Rasa sakit sikit, tapi better dari semalam.

Hmm oklah, aku nak letak gambar menakutkan, sapa-sapa ada jantung yang lemah, tutup mata ok. =)

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

(gambar post-op)

Jangan dicari aku waktu kau kesunyian. Carilah orang yang kau damping waktu kau gembira.

Rampage!

Aku benci orang suka gebang cakap janji macam-macam dengan aku. Kasi pengharapan macam-macam, last-last tak jadi dengan aku, tapi jadi pulak dengan orang lain. Kalau tak menjadi atas benda tak boleh elak, bolehlah aku terima. Aku cool je. Dan aku boleh cool kalau kau terus terang awal-awal tak jadi sebab dah plan dengan orang lain. Tak adalah aku nak mengharap cam orang tak siuman.

Ni alih-alih aku dapat tau last minit or aku dapat tau dari orang lain, Aku terus jadi berasap. Tambah pulak kalau dia sendiri yang initiate untuk kasi benda tu tak jadi dengan aku, memang bikin aku hangin je. Bukan apa, buang masa aku, buang emosi aku jadi penunggu yang setia. Cakap jelah awal-awal... apa yang susah sangat? Pastu bila nak make up balik pasal benda tu, setelah tau aku dah emo, lagi aku jadi hangin. Macam double buang masa aku, double buang masa kau, dan buang emosi aku.

Yes, I am simple minded but complicated.

Not alone.

What is your deepest darkest secret?

Think about it. Think. Think. Think.

Got it?

Ok.

Have you ever feel so burden by your secret that you want to blurt it out to someone... or something... like a medium... Facebook, blog, Twitter. Have you ever had the urge to shout it out to the whole that you have all of these secret? To let all the people know... that you are suffering. Hoping that others would give you full attention... be sympathize with you... be supportive of you... accept you for whatever the secret is.

But of course you won't do it, right. You'll keep it close to you. Shut it as tight as possible, afraid of judgments, perceptions and views of other people including you families and loved ones. What would they think of me? Am I going to be punish? Isolate? You had all these questions and doubts running through your head.

Hence, you held it in. You had keep it for so long that some days you thought your chest is going to burst out any minute.

And thus, you cry yourself to sleep. Alone.

You always know that God is listening to your prayers. And you pray and pray, hoping for something. Something that you call strength. Something that you call will power. Just to get on with life. Just to get on with it. Just to get it through... at least, for one night.

Think about it. Have you ever feel that way? Have you?

If you did, just to let you know, that you are not alone.

single.

4 hari di Kem BTN Ulu Sepri, Rembau Negeri Sembilan mengajar aku macam-macam.

Aku suka pergi Kem macam ni, (heh selaku bekas warga emas Khidmat Negara... haruslah feeling-feeling suka kan?) cuma aku tak gemar part masuk kelas dan belajar LDK dimana kena luahkan perasaan dan semangat kenegaraan. Blergh...

Well, pilihan antara mak dan negara kena selamatkan, baik aku pilih mak aku dan pergi hijrah negara orang lain. Muahahaha. keji. Tapi takkan negara dah selamat, aku jadi lonely? Pastu tak tahan, kena depression dan kemudian bunuh diri.

Semua orang ada interpretasi sendiri. Of course I Love my Country... tapi aku jadikan keluarga sebagai priority as oppose to my own country. Kalau boleh, aku nak selamatkan dua-dua sekali tanpa kena pilih yang mana satu.

Masa di Kem, ada satu game ni kena buat bulatan besar (lebih kurang 100 orang) dan kemudian dia akan isolate beberapa orang. Macam ni;

Fasilitator: Tiup, tiup, siapa tiup...

Kitaorang ramai-ramai: Tiup siapa?

Fasilitator: Tiup wanita yang belum berkahwin.

Kemudian semua yang wanita belum berkahwin kena keluar dari bulatan dan duduk tengah bulatan. Lepas tu ramai la bersiul-siul. (aku pun kenalah) Ada yang lelaki dah kahwin tiba-tiba sibuk nak join duduk tengah pastu kena halang. Huhu.

Kemudian Fasilitator cakap lagi; Tiup, tiup, siapa tiup...

Kitaorang ramai-ramai: Tiup siapa?

Fasilitator: Tiup lelaki yang belum berkahwin.

Ramai dah wuuuuuu... ada yang dah tua pun nak masuk bulatan, pastu dorang gelak-gelak, then keluar balik ke bulatan besar.

Kemudian Fasi cakap; yang lelaki dan perempuan ni kena buat barisan dan pandang each other. Kemudian yang lelaki sila selangkah kehadapan.

Perghh aku dah rasa segan beb. Dekat pulak tu. Walaupun yang depan aku ni bukan lah taste aku or someone yang aku minat ke hape ke, tapi still.... rasa cam 'apehalll dekat-dekat niiii.'

Perempuan lagi ramai dari lelaki... ada kata, seorang lelaki single tuh dah boleh cukupkan empat korum terus. Siot jek. Tapi yang kat luar bulatan lagi ramai dari dalam bulatan, meaning ramai dah kahwin. Lagilah aku bertambah segan nak mampus. rasa macam perghhh tak lakunya laa... T_T

Kemudian fasi kate lagi; ok yang lelaki, sila berbual dengan gadis dihadapan anda. Kenal-kenallah dengan dia.

Nasib baik time berbual ni aku kenal laki ni... dia masuk perkhidmatan sekali dengan aku. Dah taraf member-member dah, so aku tak segan sangat pun. Just sembang pasal kerja je.

Pastu boleh la pulak Fasi suruh diam dan dia cakap ayat maut; Anda memerlukan seminit untuk tertarik pada seseorang, sejam untuk menyukai seseorang, sehari untuk mencintai seseorang tetapi mengambil masa seumur hidup untuk melupakannnya.

Semua orang bersiul lagi kuat pastu gelak. Aisey kena bahan pulak. Pastu dah habis game.

Kemudian, waktu dalam group LDK, aku dengan seorang mamat ni je yang tak kahwin, out of 11 people in the group. Betapa janggalnya lah. Iyelah, dah colleagues kan... mesti ramai dah berumur dan dah berkahwin. Asyik-asyik aku dengan dia je kena.

"Biar yang tak kahwin reka bendera... (masa ni dah kul 12 tengah malam dah)"

Fasi kata, "kamu tahu tak ada sebuah negara nama Andalusia? Jajahan Sepanyol yang terkenal zaman dulu."

Pastu ada pulak orang menyahut kecil-kecilan, "Huh... Andalusia?... Anak dara Lanjut Usia... shhh jangan sebut kuat-kuat... nanti Tirah terasa... kehkehkeh..." Aku jeling je kat dia pastu dia gelak.

Siioooottt jee... Aku muda lagi lah... baru 25... bukan 35!

Pastu buat lawak lucah. Mentang-mentang dah kahwin. Aku dah tak tahan aku cakap, 'Astaghfirullah... saya suci lagi, ni apa lawak lucah ni...'

Dia jawab, "Aku taulah ko suci... kahkahkah... ko kena paham, aku dah 3 hari tak jumpa bini..."

Tapikan, walaupun dorang gila macam ni, overall, memang bestlah. Terhibur lah jugak aku... At least melarikan diri daripada benda-benda pasal kerja. Otak rasa ringan. Asyik gelak-gelak dan have fun. Memang seronok.

Benda yang aku cerita ni, kem ni betul-betul mengajar aku something. Baru aku tau inilah first time dalam hidup aku, aku rasa SEGAN sebab tak kahwin lagi. Selalu aku rasa rilek je. Takde komitment lah katekan. Hidup enjoy je.